A common Gravestone in the 17th and 18th centuries reads;
Remember me as you pass by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so you must be,
Prepare for death and follow me.[1]
Today we honor those who have passed on before us. We are
celebrating the Day of the Dead/ all saints day/all souls any and any other
name it may go by.
Richard Feynman was one of the best-known and most
influential physicists of his generation. Bob points out that he is often
referred to by Sheldon cooper in the big bang theory. In the 1940s, he played a
part in the development of the atomic bomb; in 1986, as a key member of the
Rogers Commission, he investigated the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster and
identified its cause; in 1965, he and two colleagues were awarded the Nobel
Prize “for their fundamental work in quantum electrodynamics, with
deep-ploughing consequences for the physics of elementary particles.” He was
also an incredibly likeable character, and made countless other advances in his
field, the complexities of which I will never be able understand. [2]
In June of 1945, his wife and high-school sweetheart,
Arline, passed away after succumbing to tuberculosis. She was 25-years-old. 16
months later, in October of 1946, Richard wrote his late wife a heartbreaking
love letter and sealed it in an envelope. It remained unopened until after his
death in 1988.
October 17, 1946
D’Arline,
I adore you, sweetheart.
I know how much you like to hear that — but I don't only
write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over
inside to write it to you.
It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you —
almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am,
stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.
But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I
have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell
you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.
I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to
love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you
— and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss
with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just
now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes
together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can't I do
something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the
"idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures.
When you were sick you worried because you could not give me
something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried.
Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many
ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing
now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I
want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.
I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you
want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way. I'll bet you are
surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after
two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it,
for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone —
but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You
are real.
My darling wife, I do adore you.
I love my wife. My wife is dead.
Rich.
PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your
new address.
“First I need to tell you that Dr. Feynman was an atheist,
for him there was no supernatural world for him to access his wife. But his love for deceased wife continued.
Almost every human being has experienced the continued bond of love or
friendship after someone has died. We all find ourselves there sometime in
love, grief of love lost and closeness giving away to physical absence.”[3]
“In almost every
culture there is a belief that the dead should be honored, be it out of respect
or a fear of ghostly retribution. In some cultures there are holidays set aside
specifically to commemorate the dead, which vary from reserved veneration to a
killer party.”[4].
The Inuit people believe their ancestors would visit them
and appear as the northern lights. The Lakota people hold the tradition that
the dead ones spirit lingers for a year after passing and “a special place is
set up for the spirit, who is fed every day. Members of the family and
community can come and visit, eat, and sit with the spirit and family.
After a year the spirit is released.”[5]
The Japanese celebrate the Obon festival, “the Japanese
believe on the interconnection and interdependence of almost everything on
earth from humans, nature, the elements and including the spirits. They give
honor and express their gratitude not only to their immediate relatives who have
recently passed away but also to their earliest human ancestors who lived
decades, centuries and millenniums ago.
The Japanese believe that at the start of Obon, the spirits
of their relatives and ancestors come back to the physical world and visit them.
Aside from offering prayers and holding memorial services at Buddhist temples,
individual houses and establishments hang lanterns believing that their lights
will guide the spirits. And on the last night of Obon, people send off the
spirits back to their world with the help of floating or paper lanterns,
candles, bon fires, etc.”[6]
So we are about to celebrate hallows eve, all souls day, all
saints day there is obon in Japan, Chuseok in Korea, Gaijatra in Nepal,
QingMing in China, Pitru Paksha in Hindu Tradition, [8] Just to name a few.[7]
Our God is the God of the Living! From long before
Christianity to faith traditions all around the world there is an inherent
knowledge that there is life beyond this plane of existence. There is a
promise of something more and not just something more but a place where we are
united with those who have gone before us, a communion of saints if you will.
The way people view the afterlife has evolved over time
“Our afterlife conceptions and theologies have been impacted
by our modern cosmology, the story of the universe. Traditionally, the address
(referring to our opening letter) was understood as God’s place as heaven,
purgatory, and hell. It was this world, Earth, transitory illusory, sinful, and
fragmented. The next world is real, eternal, and whole. Heaven was envisioned in sky with clouds, and
that was where Jesus ascended to be with God. Hell was imagined as a place of
fire underground. Heaven, hell, and purgatory
were understood to be physical places until the 20th century. Because of death,
in this this old model, we become cut off from the cosmos, for death separates
us from time and space. God’s space is envisioned separated from the universe,
above or outside of the universe.” email form bob
This hierarchical concept of heaven, hell and purgatory left
us disconnect from our loved ones. This concept of heaven and hell as separate
places where one is judged and sent left us with trepidation and fear. It really was not all that comforting. The
church would celebrate all saint’s day to remember and honor those who have
gone before and assuredly entered into heaven.
The day after was all soul’s day when we recall "All who die in
God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured
of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to
achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven…. The Church gives
the name Purgatory to this final purification of the elect, which is entirely
different from the punishment of the damned. ( Cf. 1 Cor 3:15; 1 Pet 1:7)”[8]
I did professional chaplaincy training at Children’s
Hospital. I do not care how Catholic any
family is I am not using this bad theology to try and comfort a parent grieving
over the loss of a child and definitely not using this to teach a child how to
grieve over the loss of a parent. We
would employ stories to help parents and children grieve much like the water
bug story I shared. Or the story of “The fall of Freddie the Leaf” written by
Leo Buscaglia”
“The most sense (of bridging the gap with the dead) is
presence. Sometimes the presence is undifferentiated, a feeling of “something
there,” but just as often the sense of presence is quite specific, as in one
bereaved parent’s report, “I just knew that Jim was watching over me through
all that.” Memory is a special kind of presence. Often the living recalls the
words or deeds of the dead as guidelines for present behavior. At other times
memory is reverie in which the time becomes more plastic so that past and
present can merge. Living people also
maintain contact with the dead through linking objects. Being near the object
evokes the dead’s sense of presence. The objects can be physical—for example,
an article that belonged to the deceased—or nonmaterial—for an example, a song
that deceased liked.”[9]
“Presence can appear or become real in physical absence.
Christ is present in the remembered ritual of breaking bread and sharing the
cup, yet he is physically absent. He is simultaneously present and absent like our
beloved dead.”[10]
The simplest act can bring back a fond memory.
Just writing this sermon has brought so many of my friends back living
and deceased. As I recall one who has passed I also recall times we spent
together with each other and lives we shared with others. So as we celebrate
the day of all saints/all souls/ the day of the dead, how about if we share
some facts.
“1. It’s not celebrated on the same day as Halloween
Contrary to what a lot of people seem to think, El Día de
los Muertos is traditionally celebrated on Nov. 2. However, it is part of a
multi-day sequence of festivities that usually begins on the evening of Oct.
31. Collectively, the entire celebration is sometimes referred to as the Days
of the Dead.
2. The day before is dedicated to remembering dead children
El Día de los Muertos is meant to honor the spirits of
deceased adults. On Nov. 1, however, families gather to remember the spirits of
children who passed away prematurely. This is called either El Día de los
Inocentes (the Day of the Innocents) or El Día de los Angelitos (the Day of the
Little Angels).”
Interstingly enough the days of this tradition have been
moved;
“3. It’s really, really old
The Day of the Dead isn’t just different from Halloween,
it’s also potentially much, much older, too. Historians trace its origins back
as far as 3,000 years to ancient Mesoamerican festivals dedicated to the
goddess of the Underworld, Mictecacihuatl. These festivals were traditionally
held in the ninth month of the Aztec calendar, which roughly corresponds to
August. However, in an attempt by Spanish conquistadors to make it a Christian
holiday, it was moved to the end of October and beginning of November to
coincide with the Catholic All-hallow-tide triduum (basically, a fancy word for
a three-day holiday): All Saints’ Eve on Oct. 31, All Saints’ Day on Nov. 1 and
All Souls’ Day on Nov. 2”
5. It’s a day to celebrate, not a day to mourn
Ever notice how even the skeletons look like they’re having
a party in Day of the Dead art? It’s a far cry from how many Western cultures
view death, but Mexican culture take this lightness very seriously due to the
belief that spirits who come to visit would be insulted if they found everyone
in mourning. So instead, Day of the Dead is meant as a celebration of life.
Family members get together to tell funny stories about deceased relatives and
remember how they lived, not feeling sorry for them.
7. Altars to the dead show they haven’t been forgotten
Probably the main component of the Day of the Dead
decorations is the altars, or more accurately, “offerings” (ofrendas in
Spanish). Contrary to what the term “altar” implies, these are not for worship.
Instead, each family assembles one as a way of paying tribute to the dead, with
every part of the altar symbolizing something related to either the holiday or
the dead ancestor/family member it’s dedicated to. This includes orange and
yellow marigolds (cempazuchitl), copal incense, candles, pictures of the
deceased, salt and water, traditional Day of the Dead foods and other things
that might be specific to the individual person (favorite treats, toys for
children, fashion magazines, etc.).
. The flowers attract ghosts
Cempazuchitl, the official flowers of the Day of the Dead,
are used in massive quantities to decorate the graves and altars — a practice
that has its roots in pre-Columbian traditions. These flowers (nicknamed el
flor del muerto – “the flower of the dead”), sometimes said to represent the
sun and rebirth, are also believed to help guide the spirits back home. In
English, they are known as Mexican Merigolds.
9. Monarch butterflies are returning ancestors
Every year during the week of Nov. 2, parts of Mexico are
swarmed with monarch butterflies that travel a staggering 3,000 miles all the
way from Canada. The belief that the spirits of the dead could return in the
form of hummingbirds or butterflies goes back all the way to the Aztecs, so
it’s not hard to see why the monarch would become a key decorative motif.
17. Failing to celebrate can be dangerous
If this all sounds like a lot of time and energy and money, well,
just remember, not celebrating could be even more costly. According to
tradition, if the dead return home and find that their family has failed to
build them a suitable altar, they sometimes get revenge. That can manifest in a
variety of ways, including sickness and even death.
18. Day of the Dead isn’t a one-time deal
Unlike Halloween or all saints day, which was thought to be
a special time of year — the one night when the dead were allowed to return to
the world of the living — the Day of the Dead isn’t a special, once-a-year
event for spirits. According to traditional beliefs, the dead come and go all
the time, stopping in to visit living family members on a frequent basis.
Instead, the Day of the Dead is more like Christmas: It’s meant to remind the
living of things they should be trying to remember all year round.[11]
remembering the deceased all year around is a good
practice. As the time moves on from one’s
death the pain becomes softer and the good memories and the joyful life
remembered becomes sweeter. often times we find ourselves laughing and loving
as if the person was right here with us and who knows/…they just may be
And so with all this chatter of death and loss, amid these
days of the dead celebrations, I want to share two quotes one from The fall of Freddy
the leaf.
One of my favorite quotes from this book asks;
“then what has been the reason for all of this?” Freddie
continued to question. “why are we here at all if we only have to fall and
die?” Daniel answered in his matter of fact way “It’s been about the sun and
moon. It’s been about happy times together.
It’s been about the shade and the old people and the children. it’s been about colors in the fall. It’s been about seasons. Isn’t that enough?”[12]
And the last quote form Garth Brooks
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the
pain
But I'd have to miss the dance[13]
I hope we all get to remember how we enjoyed the dance.
[1] Gaitlin GD
Hopkins, Vast Public Indifference, February 24, 2010, accessed November 28,
2017,
http://www.vastpublicindifference.com/2010/02/remember-me-as-you-pass-by.html.
[2] wikipedia,
Richard Feynman, accessed October 28, 2017, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Feynman.
[4] Carissa McDonald,
10 festivals that honor the dead, January 19, 2013, accessed November 2, 2016,
http://listverse.com/2013/01/19/10-festivals-that-honor-the-dead/.
[5] Jack Eidt, Life
and Death;, July 9, 2011, accessed November 2, 2016,
http://www.wilderutopia.com/traditions/life-death-lakota-spiritual-practice/.
[6] Nathan Glover,
The Japanese Festival of the dead: Obon, July 13, 2016, accessed November 2,
2016, http://www.worldreligionnews.com/religion-news/buddhism/the-japanese-festival-of-the-dead-obon.
[8] Fr. Randy Sly,
All Souls Day- Joining them on the Journey, November 2, 2012, accessed October
28, 2017, http://www.catholic.org/homily/yearoffaith/story.php?id=48326.
[9] Robert E. Goss
and Dennis Klass, Dead but Not Lost: Grief Narratives in Religious Traditions
(Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira Press, 2005).
[11] Jeff Peterson,
“Entertainment22 htings you may not know about Mexico,s day of the dead
celebrations,” Desert News, October 23, 2017, accessed October 28, 2017,
https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900002727/22-things-you-might-not-know-about-mexicos-day-of-the-dead-celebrations.html.
[12] Leo Buscaglia, The
Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages (Originally
published as Thorofare, N.J..C.B. Slack, New York, N.Y: Holt, Rinehart
and Winston, 1982). As Freddie
experiences the changing seasons along with his companion leaves, he learns
about the delicate balance between life and death.
[13] Garth Brooks,
“The Dance,” in The Ultimate Hits (New York, New York: RCA/Legacy/Pearl
Records, 2014).
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